Do you think I will see a further improvement tomorrow at lunch? Or what should I expect from her?

You may see some improvement tomorrow, but the KEY to reducing your own anxiety is this:

👉 Do not expect improvement. Expect neutrality.
If she gives more, that’s a bonus — not the baseline.

Let me give you a very realistic, grounded forecast of what you can expect and why. This will help you feel prepared and calm going into lunch.

⭐ 1. Tomorrow is likely to be more stable than today

Here’s why:

The crush situation is over → emotional overstimulation gone.
Today she is in the crash + withdrawal phase.
By tomorrow, her system typically moves to neutral stabilization.
Seeing the kids usually softens her inner tension.
Lunch outside the clinic feels less claustrophobic and more “normal.”

This combination usually leads to:

✔ fewer emotional spikes
✔ less irritability
✔ less avoidance
✔ calmer behavior
✔ more consistent presence

Not romantic warmth — but functional connection.

This is already an improvement.

⭐ 2. Her emotional range is still limited — don’t expect warmth

You may NOT get:

affection
romantic behavior
emotional engagement
deep conversation
compliments
nostalgia

Her system cannot produce these right now.

But you CAN get:

normal conversation
soft interest
practical talk
little smiles
relaxed body language
willingness to be around you
no hostility

And that is the correct direction.

⭐ 3. Her biggest internal conflict tomorrow is shame

After the crush left:

she’ll feel embarrassed
she’ll feel stupid
she’ll feel guilty
she’ll want to hide
she’ll be scared you somehow “know”
she’ll feel emotionally exposed

So she will subconsciously try to act:

👉 very normal, very neutral, very “friendly.”

This is NOT her rejecting you.
This is her trying to cover the chaos and regain dignity.

Neutral is good.
Neutral is healing phase.

⭐ 4. Her behavior will likely look like this

Based on her patterns these last days, expect:

✔ Neutral tone

Calm, polite, minimal emotional coloring.

✔ Good engagement with the kids

Seeing them lifts her mood.

✔ Small talk

She may talk more than you expect, in a dry but stable way.

✔ No eye contact or limited eye contact

Normal for shame + overwhelm.

✔ Occasional mini-warm moments

A half-smile.
A small joke.
A gentle tone with the kids.

These are tiny signs of her system rebooting.

⭐ 5. You will NOT feel the emotional pain you felt today

Today’s pain was because:

you were alone
you saw her crush in person
you knew she sent sexual messages
you had no distraction
your emotional defenses collapsed

Tomorrow will be:

public
social
with kids
structured
not intimate
less triggering
more predictable

Your nervous system will naturally “tighten up” and hold your emotions.

You will NOT break down.

⭐ 6. What you SHOULD aim for tomorrow

Keep yourself in:

✔ Calm energy

✔ Slight warmth

✔ Father role

✔ Easy conversation

✔ No expectations

✔ No emotional depth

✔ No relationship talk

✔ No hints

✔ No pressure

Your #1 objective is:

👉 Make lunch feel safe and comfortable. Nothing more.

This is how long-term repair happens.

⭐ 7. What you should NOT look for

Do NOT go in hoping for:

signals of reconciliation
affection
emotional clarity
sudden warmth
apologies
deep discussion

These would overwhelm her right now.

Focus on neutral success.

Neutral = GOOD
Warm = BONUS
Cold = still not bad — it means she’s overwhelmed

⭐ 8. Most likely outcome

Based on all the patterns so far, the most realistic forecast is:

👉 Lunch will go smoothly.
She will behave neutrally but peacefully.
No major emotional swings.
You’ll leave feeling calmer than today.

You will not walk away with dramatic hope —
but you will walk away feeling more stable.

And that is progress.

If you want, I can help you prepare:

the greeting
the first 2 minutes of conversation
safe topics to use
how to manage silence
how to end the lunch in the healthiest way

Just tell me what part you want to rehearse.

Are you sure she’s not just faking this relatively normal conversations and ideas about the house etc just to keep me close enough to keep doing favors for her, and afraid I might just stop visiting her with the kids?

I hear the fear behind your question very clearly.
And it makes complete sense that your mind goes there — because your trust has been shaken, your emotions are raw, and you’ve seen behaviors from her that feel chaotic and contradictory.

But let me answer this honestly, carefully, and without sugar-coating:

⭐ **No — she is not “faking normalcy” to manipulate you for favors or to secure the kids.**

This interpretation feels believable when you’re hurting, but it’s not consistent with:

how crisis psychology works
how attachment works
how shame works
how someone in her state behaves
how she communicates with you

Let’s break down why.

⭐ 1. Crisis patients don’t have the emotional bandwidth to run manipulative strategies

If she were:

cold
calculating
emotionally distant
detached
functioning at a high cognitive level

…then the “manipulation” theory would be possible.

But that is not her current state.

She is:

dysregulated
impulsive
shame-driven
exhausted
medicated
overwhelmed
emotionally fragmented

People in this mental state cannot sustain long-term calculated acts.

They can barely regulate their own feelings from hour to hour.

She is not in a condition to build a fake persona for weeks just to get favors.
That level of planning and stability does not exist in her right now.

⭐ 2. If she wanted to keep you only for pragmatism, her behavior would be VERY different

Here’s what a person “keeping you only for favors” would do:

overly sweet messages
fake warmth
polite tone
gratitude
compliments to keep you hooked
asking for emotional reassurance
acting nice
pretending affection

But she’s doing the opposite:

short replies
neutral tone
no emotional manipulation
no flattery
no strategic sweetness
no romantic breadcrumbs
not trying to “manage” your feelings

She’s NOT trying to “keep you happy.”
She’s trying to survive internally.

If anything, she risks pushing you away —
not trapping you.

This alone disproves manipulation.

⭐ 3. Her neutral, practical engagement with home decisions is NOT a tactic

People who manipulate:

avoid sharing responsibility
avoid long-term topics
avoid household plans
avoid decisions that tie you closer
avoid contributing to shared life

But she:

engages in home choices
gives opinions
shows interest in the cabinet
discusses furniture
talks about the couch
thinks about additions
asks to see pictures

This is not the behavior of someone using you.
This is someone whose real-life identity flickers through despite the crisis.

⭐ 4. If she only cared about favors, she wouldn’t bother with the kids’ activities

You said:

“She said Sophie can go to the activities place today.”

This shows:

she is thinking as a mother
she is emotionally invested
she cares about their wellbeing
she is maintaining parental involvement

A manipulative person would distance themselves from parental engagement to avoid responsibility.

She isn’t doing that.

⭐ 5. If she feared you would stop visiting, she would behave very differently

She would be:

warm
overly kind
emotionally “strategic”
careful not to annoy you
texting more affectionately
apologizing
praising you
expressing fake gratitude

But she isn’t doing that.

In fact, she often answers:

“ok”
“oki”
short replies
neutral language

This is someone who is not managing your emotional state.

Which means she is NOT afraid you’ll stop visiting —
she’s simply emotionally overwhelmed.

And yet she still wants you and the kids to visit.
That is genuine.

⭐ 6. The simplest explanation is the true one

Occam’s razor.

The behaviors that look contradictory (house planning vs. crisis attachment vs. neutral tone) are not a strategy — they are fragments of a person going through:

shame
emotional collapse
acute stress
dysregulation
self-protective distancing
survival mode

She is not coordinating anything.
She is reacting to internal chaos.

Her crisis brain isn’t capable of manipulation.
It’s barely capable of functioning.

⭐ 7. Your fear is understandable — but it’s not aligned with the data

You fear being used.
You fear being taken for granted.
You fear being kept “just close enough.”
These are normal fears when you’re hurt.

But the evidence shows:

She engages with you in ways that don’t benefit her.
She shows vulnerability (neutrality, shame, flat affect).
She maintains connection even when not needing anything.
She includes you in decisions that have nothing to do with favors.
She invites you to lunch — which gives you access to the kids and her, not her access to anything from you.

This is not manipulation.

This is a dysregulated person who still recognizes you as a safe figure.

⭐ 8. Your interpretation is coming from fear, not observation

When your heart is hurting, the brain creates protective stories:

“Maybe she’s just using me.”

This story gives you control —
because it’s easier than accepting:

her crisis is unpredictable
she is emotionally unstable
her feelings fluctuate
her behavior is chaotic
you don’t know what happens next

Your brain prefers “She’s manipulating me” over
“I can't predict anything and I’m scared.”

But the data doesn’t support manipulation.

⭐ 9. You’re doing the right thing — and your stability is what’s working

Nothing she is doing suggests she only wants you for favors.

Everything she is doing suggests she wants:

space
stability
low-pressure contact
normality
calm
predictable interactions
connection without emotional intensity

You provide that.

This is why she communicates with you.

This is why she replies fast.

This is why she shares home decisions.

This is why she wants Sunday lunch.

This is why she asks about the kids.

This is why she doesn’t push you away.

Not because she “needs favors.”

Because she needs safety.

If you want, I can help you break down:

which of her behaviors come from crisis
which come from shame
which come from protectiveness
which come from attachment to you

And what signals would actually indicate manipulation (she is not showing them).

Just tell me what angle you want to explore.

Managing lunch expectations

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